Dreaming Forward: A New Series
Part I: Holding the Vision to the World I See - How I Do What I Do
I am a healer. I work on my own personal healing daily. I’ve developed routines for myself that are non-negotiable — I don’t negotiate over them with myself and I am well known for talking myself into and out of a variety of things I want (or don’t want) to do! I make sure I do certain things daily. I have healing techniques and experiences that are more cyclical. And, of course, those PRN — as needed — supports I’ve created for myself. I’ve been on this incredibly intentional journey since High School really — but most specifically since 2004. There have been dips and traumas interwoven throughout the last 21 years. But I’ve always been moving forward — even when others couldn’t see it.
Life has given me plenty of material to move through. For sure!
What I tend to write about the most is the overcoming of those events. The overcoming of life. I share the experience I’ve had and then I share how I found my way through it. Sometimes I skip the “how” in specifics and I just share the outcomes. For instance, I may not tell you that I meditated and journaled for 100 days until an epiphany finally arrived at some random moment when I was taking out the trash. I don’t tell you that I looked at some pile on my desk and remembered a random piece of paper stuck in the middle where I’d written down a quote three months ago that suddenly made everything click.
I mean, I have written about some of those things along the journey. But those things haven’t necessarily been the focus. The focus has a formula:
This thing happened and caused this pain + I felt trapped and suffocating because of it + I didn’t want to become a miserable/evil/rage-filled/terrible person (self-imposed description) = so I worked hard at understanding things so I wouldn’t become that person (maybe I offered forgiveness to others as well.)
There’s a whole lot of pain in the world right now. From war-torn countries, to the rise in fascism, and the outcomes of the devastating weather that climate change brings, we are all connected to something that breaks our heart, stresses our mind, and causes us to feel unwell.
Even if we’re not up to speed on the events in the world beyond our very own little lives, many of us have things within those borders of closest proximity that keep us awake at night.
I’ve been asked many times throughout my healing journey, “How can you still have hope?” Most of the time, I have to shrug and say, “I don’t know,” which is often followed by my feeble attempts to share what I can see in my mind or the feeling I have in my heart. I try to describe this little eternal flicker that just keeps glowing no matter how dark it is around me. This little light that just keeps shining and guiding and beckoning me forward.
It’s there. This little eternal hope. It’s always there. And always has been.
It’s why I am still here.
I want to dedicate a new series this month to this little hope of mine. I want to share with you some of the details of my own spiritual practices and sort of let you into that room.
One of the most positive things that came to me from having the grandmother I had — which my mother also possesses — is an innate curiosity for all things and the deep belief that I will never stop learning.
And I do mean a curiosity for All. Of. The. Things. (place little clapping hands between those words in your mind for the full social media visual experience.)
If you’ve followed me for some time, you know I’ve described myself as a student of life. A lifetime student. If someone would pay me to get all the degrees I could amass, I would continue my professional education forever! (No one is paying me to do this, so I pursue constant education in numerous ways.)
I believe that literally all human beings are capable of continued learning. All of our minds are big and beautiful and simultaneously common and unique. It doesn’t matter if I don’t have a natural inclination toward mathematics (I can actually share with you the trauma that started my rejection of math! Perhaps another time.) I can learn about it’s history. I can comprehend on big levels the principles of mathematics — and that comprehension may just be that “I don’t want to math.”
I digress.
I’ll stop picking on math. Lol!
People often tell me when I say, “We possess the power to learn anything!” that not everyone can learn anything. And they proceed to give me categories of people who “can’t” learn anything.
Depending upon how hard I want to drop the mic, I may respond with the numerous things those humans have learned and can learn.
Again, digress.
Beloved, I just believe we’ve bought this massive historical lie that we can’t be, do, discover, believe, become, unlearn, relearn, create, dismantle — this list feels infinite — what doesn’t work, and re-create something more beautiful. I believe we’ve bought this lie that we can’t do these things and often we just don’t.
I had a lot of trauma as a kid that made me afraid of many things. The way it impacted my mind was big. I had really low self-esteem then and I’ve battled really low self-esteem as an adult. And even though I had this unsatiable thirst for knowledge and discovery, the majority of my life, fear has kept me small. I’ve learned a lot. I continue to learn. But I haven’t always shared this inner, inner core of stuff.
I found my healing path. (Not a new statement, I know.) I’ve had to do the construction work on this path. I’ve had to clear the brush. I’ve had to lay the stones on those parts of the path I want to keep walking. I had to pull the weeds and plant the flowers — or tend the wildflowers that will grow where they please. It’s such a beautiful path! I’m creating a little garden. And this is work I believe we can all do. I believe we can all learn and heal and discover and grow forward.
I did the work, yes, but I also had help. Does that make sense?
I had help through other people’s stories. Through other people’s teachings. Through other people’s creations. Other people who’ve been on their healing journey and built their little paths and created their little gardens. They’ve shared their secrets. They’ve shared their medicine. They’ve shared their way forward.
And now it’s my turn.
Throughout the rest of this month, I will be sharing my own healing secrets.
(Psst. They aren’t secret.)
I don’t yet know how it will unfold completely. But my intentions are to share with you a bit of how I got where I am today: A pastor. A writer. A life coach. An educator. A spiritual woo-woo healer person (which happens to be the least known aspect of me, but it’s time, beloved! It’s time to share!)
I want to share with you what I learned during these different phases of my life and how they blend together perfectly to reveal who I am today — and how they’re beckoning me toward who I am becoming.
I want to share with you some of my personal practices — as well as some ideas I believe we can all shape and form into what we need individually to incorporate healing practices into our daily lives that will become life-changing.
I want to share with you my dreams and visions of not only my own personal life, but what I think we can build as a society — and globally.
Caveats and disclaimers. And some intentions, too.
First and foremost, I’m not going to say anything new — most likely. I’m probably not going to tell you anything you can’t look up and find where other people have said similar things. What I plan to share is going to be rooted in my own experience and I will share with you the teachers who’ve been guiding me and leading me forward — those still within the physical realm with us and those who’ve been liberated from this earth.
But whatever I might say, and the way I might say it — if you’ve found this series — is something you need to hear. It will be something that clicks in place for you. It will be your confirmation of understanding, knowing, or feeling into a truth you need to grasp.
If it isn’t something that clicks initially, it will be a little seed planted in the fertile soil of your mind. Something you need to think about. Ruminate upon. Ponder. Consider. Pursue further for deeper discovery.
What I will say is still for you.
I definitely don’t mean to plagiarize anyone. I will give credit when I know the credit. And if I can’t remember who originally said it (I’ll try to find the resource), I will say that. I’ve read A LOT of material over the past 30+ years. I’ve watched A LOT of material created by content creators in the past five years specifically. There is so much information in my brain, I’ve often joked about wanting a USB port so I can just get it out there — and then AI and all the scarier sci-fi stuff that feels less fictional lately and I say, “Just kidding!” my brain is mine. Don’t touch my head!
I digress!
I want this series to be one where I start showing you how pieces fit together and not just showing you the individual pieces of the puzzle. I want to show you how the picture is beginning to look at different levels — but mostly, I want you to begin considering your own picture. Your own puzzle pieces. Your own healing path and how you fit into your own healing journey. Where are you right now with your healing? Where do you want to be? What does your destination look like, what does it feel like?
Wanna join me?
Thanks for being here!
Love and gratitude,
Jay